Thanksgiving in our family was not complete without watching or remembering the WKRP in Cincinnati episode where turkeys bombed the parking lot and mayhem ensued.  Our family loved those types of shows, just as we were also huge fans of the National Lampoon’s Vacation movies and would frequently reference them.  That’s just how we rolled.

As we celebrated another holiday yesterday, my thoughts were filled with Thanksgivings past.  I remembered the dinners we held for extended family at our home out on the farm.  We’d line up every table available, and they were not all the same height, but they stretched from one end of the dining room to the other.  We covered them with table clothes that only came out for holiday dinners, and we pulled out Mom’s collection of real silverware and set each place.  Relatives from around the area would start pouring in, patting my and Jon’s heads and handing us their coats to go lay on Mom and Dad’s bed.  We’d line up on both sides of the table and eat ourselves stuffed and visit for several hours. Sometimes we’d celebrate Thanksgiving in town at the McCall grandparents’ home. I always wanted to sit in the corner on the window bench, but if there were too many guests, we’d go sit in front of the large picture window at the kids’ table.  One year, both grandpas managed to burn me.  We spent the day at the Bieker grandparents and I rode in the truck with Grandpa and Dad to the end of the property to look for something in the barn.  I was riding in the floorboard at my grandpa’s feet as he smoked, and he let the ash grow too long before flicking it, so it dropped into my hair and he had to slap the top of my head to put me out.  Then we traveled to the McCall’s for Thanksgiving, and as Grandpa McCall was passing the gravy, he managed to spill the scalding liquid on me.  Fun times.

When I got older, it was not always possible for me to spend the holidays with my nuclear family.  When I went to college, my parents were in the midst of recovering from a bankruptcy and relocation to eastern KS.  In 1987, Dad was already living in Topeka trying to find work, while Mom finished up her school year in WaKeeney and also worked every shift she possibly could as a waitress.  That Thanksgiving, I drove a couple friends to Topeka so they could spend Thanksgiving at their extended family’s home, but first we attended a KISS/White Lion concert, which was amazing.  I went with my dad and Grandpa Jim and Granny to a community Thanksgiving dinner, and slept on the floor of the trailer that Dad was living in at the time.  It wasn’t the best night’s sleep, since there were cockroaches keeping me company, but at least I was with one parent  for the holiday.

Later in my college days, Mom had finally been reunited with Dad in Topeka, and Jon was living in Wichita or Topeka by that time.  I was still going to school in Hays, and I didn’t have the most reliable transportation.  It just wasn’t possible for me to drive to be with my family, and I usually had to work the holidays, since kids in college get stuck with the holiday shifts as low men on the totem pole.  That’s when my friends stepped in as my family.  One year, I worked the graveyard shift at the convenience store and then slept in the backseat as Connie and Harley drove us up to Phillipsburg to celebrate Thanksgiving with Harley’s family.  Other times, we’d trek to Great Bend to spend the holiday meal with Connie’s family.  I celebrated with Myrna’s family in Salina and in Hutchinson other years.

Getting married usually creates a whole new dilemma to the holiday celebration–“Who do we spend it with?”  My family has never really gotten hung up on the whole “it HAS to be celebrated on the actual holiday” concept–we just gather and celebrate when it works for everyone’s schedule.  This has helped avoid most of these conflicts between spouses.  In my first marriage, I married into a family who didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving for religious reasons, but we did still gather and have turkey and all the trimmings, because many of us were off work and all of those food items were on sale that week, so why not?  I have never seen anyone pick a turkey clean of meat as thoroughly as they did as they salvaged every bit to freeze for later meals–I am still amazed at their talent.  In my second marriage, I married into a family that DOES celebrate on the holiday, so my family just celebrates on another day and we have two Thanksgivings.  We’re flexible, which helps considerably.

I’ll be 48 years old in a few weeks, and I’ve only hosted Thanksgiving in my home twice.  The first time was when we lived in Stockton, and we tried to bring both sides of the family together to have one Thanksgiving.  We had mixed success–both sets of grandparents attended, but the siblings were not able to make it.  The second time was when we moved to Scranton, but only my side of the family was able to attend due to the travel involved.  We haven’t hosted Thanksgiving at our house for years now, since we have 5 cats and family members with cat allergies.  Hives are not good eats.  One year we had Thanksgiving at Jon and Becky’s, which was really cool, seeing my brother all grown up and hosting a family dinner.  I think he was a nervous wreck, but he hid it well.  Sometimes we decide to skip all the work involved in Thanksgiving dinner, and we all opt to attend one of the community dinners–no preparation, no clean-up, easy and efficient.  But most of the time, we hold Thanksgiving at my mom’s house.

There have been years when we didn’t know how we were going to fit so many people in Mom and Dad’s house–usually the adults crowded around the table in the kitchen, and the kids all ate out in the living room either at card tables or on tv trays.  This year, our family has grown much smaller.  We no longer share our holidays with Grandpa Jim and his roommate Bob, Dad, and Jon, even though we know they are there in spirit and always will be.  We had no trouble fitting the nine of us around the table this year, including one of Tambour’s new friends from college.  Every year the faces around the table change a little, as we “adopt” new people into our little family.  I’m glad to see that my kids welcome their friends to our holiday celebrations just as my friends welcomed me when I was that age.  Friends do become family, and I think that is a great part of holidays.

I also thought about what future Thanksgivings will look like.  Our kids are getting to the age where they are finding those special someones.  This year it didn’t work for the loves of their lives to join us for Thanksgiving, due to work and scheduling conflicts with their family celebrations.  But I am hopeful that in the future we’ll be able to find a way to include them with our family, because their absence is noticeable and they are missed.  I am hopeful that we can be flexible so they never feel torn between spending time with their family and ours.  I am hopeful that there is never a feeling of competition for their time, only a feeling of inclusion.  I look forward to many more celebrations with our family, and all of the memories that come with those celebrations.